Skip to main content

Nothing Comes Easy

Nathan got a "big boy" bike for Christmas. 
He's five so it seemed fitting. But in our world age doesn't mean anything.
 

He's five and just got potty trained a few months ago. 

He's five and still can't talk.

He's five and is still learning how to dress himself.

So being five really doesn't matter.

He was outside today on his bike. He loves it. He gets on it like a big boy and tries so hard, but he can't ride it. He doesn't understand the concept of pedaling. So his dad pushes him along pushing his feet as they go.

I stood in the window watching with tears in my eyes. 

On one hand they are tears of utter joy that my son is out there trying to ride his bike.

But...on the other hand my tears are of such sadness that everything he does is so extra hard for him. 

It tears me apart.

I know he will get it. I know he won't give up...we won't give up.

We will celebrate the milestone extra hard when he's riding a long all on his own. And just let him enjoy being pushed by his dad for a while longer.

Comments

  1. Yes. I feel this so deeply. So many moments have two sides, and we try so hard to choose the “happy.” ♥️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You can never be too young to advocate for autism

I usually post a picture of our family wearing shirts to promote world autism day. This year we didn't get the chance to do that. But we promote and advocate autism all year long.   This picture represents how our whole family knows autism, we live with autism and we work hard to make sure that Nathan knows he's more than just autism. See when we were about to have Nathan's little sister, Chayse, I was a nervous wreck. I was so worried that Nathan wouldn't adapt to her. That he wouldn't pay attention to her. Boy was I wrong. From day one he loved her. He wanted her near him all of the time. He made sure we never left home without her. He was her big brother. Now that Chayse is 3 years old she has surpassed Nathan in a few things. She can talk in full sentences. She can use the potty. She makes friends. But the one thing she does best is helping her big brother. She gets concerned when he's having a hard time. She goes to him and wants to help fix his "boo b...

A Letter to my son's Teacher

To my son's teacher From the time I found out that Nathan had autism I started thinking about school and I always got anxiety. Once he entered his second year of pre school my anxiety started going through the roof. I was so worried about him going to Kindergarten.  I would cry most nights thinking about it. He was safe in pre school. He had routine. He loved his teacher.  I would wonder who his new teacher was going to be. I would pray every single night that God would protect him always and give him the best people in his life to help him continue to grow. To protect him like I would. To keep him safe. The answer to my prayers came when I got the call from you. The moment I spoke to you, I knew God had answered my prayers. Stacey, Nathan has been blessed more than you could ever know.  You listened to every single concern without judgement. You listened to every single need of Nathan's. You always go above and beyond to make sure we know Nathan is good. The way you call...

The decision to give our 4 year old meds

When we got Nathan's diagnosis in July of 2018, it was a lot to process. We knew he had something going on with him and had our suspicions for a long time, but it still cut deep to hear the official diagnosis. Dom and I said we will do everything we can to help, but with a cliche thought and lack of understanding, we were both adamant about not "drugging our child." Fast forward to 2020 we had to do something. When you watch your poor 4 year old deal with so much anxiety about day-to-day living, it breaks your heart. Nathan's anxiety comes in the forms of not sleeping - waking up at 2:00 am and not going back to sleep.  His anxiety is shown through melt downs that cannot be consoled. His anxiety comes in the form of having something in his head, that he can't communicate, and being stuck on it for hours and sometimes days.  Anxiety for Nathan is moving every picture that is not attached to a wall to different rooms in the house, literally all day long....