Through Nathan's Eyes

As always the holidays make me extremely anxious. We don't know how Nathan is going to respond to the excitement of it all. But he had the most amazing day. From the minute he woke up to the minute he went to bed he had a blast.  Simple things like an Easter egg hunt for an almost 4 year old you wouldn't think nothing of. They typically know what they're doing and they're pros. This was Nathan's first hunt and I was so nervous he wasn't going to do it, understand it, or even like it for that matter. But...he loved it!!! He did amazing and I couldn't be more proud. Autism has it's highs and lows. But the highs make all the lows you go through so worth it. I love my little man so much it hurts. Happy Easter!!!

I post a lot of fun, happy videos and pictures of Nathan. But our life is definitely not all sunshine and roses. There are days when autism wins and those days are extremely hard.  Nathan's autism comes with anxiety. It gets so bad if the slightest thing in his world changes. We are going on almost two weeks of dealing with meltdowns every single day. And these meltdowns can last hours. And we just have to push through with ignoring, hugs, time outs and anything else we can think of that might make him calm. And the hardest part is, he can't tell us what is bothering him. He has been falling asleep later and later and either waking up in the middle of the night or super early in the morning and it's so exhausting. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. And it's from exhaustion from lack of sleep.  Worry that I didn't do enough to help him that day.  Fear thinking about his future.  Grief because I feel like I lost the child who I gave birth to.  Guilt because I lost my