I wonder what it's like to not speak?

I'm crying my eyes out while reading an article about being non-verbal.

I have spoke the words in the article so many times.

I wonder what's going on in my beautiful child's brain?

How hard it must be for him to not be able to tell me how he's feeling, what makes him happy, what makes him sad, when he wakes up with night terrors what caused them?

I just comfort him the way I know best. We snuggle and sing. His song is "you are my Sunshine." This song works for him every time.

Nathan is trying so hard every day to say his words. Even if we just get the sound of the first letter we are ecstatic and overly praise him.

I never thought in a million years I'd have a child who couldn't talk to me, but here we are and it is definitely a journey. 💙💙💙

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Flirt like his daddy? - I never expected it

This week I asked Nathan's kindergarten teacher how he interacts with the other kids in his class. What she said surprised me... She said how Nathan is with the other kids, he probably learned from his daddy...Nathan is a little flirt with the girls. I was shocked. She said that he is always trying to get this one little girls attention. And his teacher told her to say hi to Nathan...she did and I guess he just got the biggest smile. Fast forward to Sunday night shower. We got him all cleaned and I said to him, "you are such a big boy, you smell so good and you are gonna go to school and smell so good for [little girl's name]." I will tell you he got a smile on his face. So we started doing the little teasing about her and I said is she your friend? He smiled from ear to ear. I got to thinking that I forget sometimes that even though he has autism and maybe his brain doesn't work quite like a typical person, his heart does and his feelings do. It's always s...

Nothing Comes Easy

Nathan got a "big boy" bike for Christmas. He's five so it seemed fitting. But in our world age doesn't mean anything. He's five and just got potty trained a few months ago. He's five and still can't talk. He's five and is still learning how to dress himself. So being five really doesn't matter. He was outside today on his bike. He loves it. He gets on it like a big boy and tries so hard, but he can't ride it. He doesn't understand the concept of pedaling. So his dad pushes him along pushing his feet as they go. I stood in the window watching with tears in my eyes. On one hand they are tears of utter joy that my son is out there trying to ride his bike. But...on the other hand my tears are of such sadness that everything he does is so extra hard for him. It tears me apart. I know he will get it. I know he won't give up...we won't give up. We will celebrate the milestone extra hard when he's riding a long all on his own. A...

So much can change in a year

I wrote about how much I hated autism one year ago. Nathan was having a hard time, I was having a hard time being pregnant, but so much has changed in a year. Nathan has made huge changes. We got him on medication that is working so well. He absolutely loves his little sister and interacts with her with such gentleness and care, it's one of my favorite things to watch. He is starting to say words and communicate better every single day. And he is practically potty trained. 💙💙💙 Autism is still hard and we have our struggles, but this little boy never ceases to amaze me. And his smile and bright blue eyes staring at me melt my heart.

Through Nathan's Eyes

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