Skip to main content

Why me, God?

It's so hard to not ask why? 

Why was I the one that was given the child with the disability? I did everything right. 

Why would God punish me? I believe in Him, I thank Him for my blessings every night. 

It's so hard not to feel like you are being punished for something. Or your child is being punished for something you did.

But I look at my sweet boy and I realize it's not a punishment. He knows Nathan needs me and that I will fight with every bone in my body to make sure he has a good life. 

I will be his voice, his advocate, his hug, his discipline. I will do it all.

Do I have days where I question God? Yes I do, but I know nobody could give Nathan all that he deserves like his dad and me!!! He is our world and we will do our best to come into his world and see through his eyes!!!💙💙💙 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nothing Comes Easy

Nathan got a "big boy" bike for Christmas.  He's five so it seemed fitting. But  in our world age doesn't mean anything.   He's five and just got potty trained a few months ago.  He's five and still can't talk. He's five and is still learning how to dress himself. So being five really doesn't matter. He was outside today on his bike. He loves it. He gets on it like a big boy and tries so hard, but he can't ride it. He doesn't understand the concept of pedaling. So his dad pushes him along pushing his feet as they go. I stood in the window watching with tears in my eyes.  On one hand they are tears of utter joy that my son is out there trying to ride his bike. But...on the other hand my tears are of such sadness that everything he does is so extra hard for him.  It tears me apart. I know he will get it. I know he won't give up...we won't give up. We will celebrate the milestone extra hard when he's riding a long all on his own. A
3 comments
Read more

Daddy, I've been watching you

Today while driving in the car we heard these lyrics: "He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are We like fixing things and holding mama's hand Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad I wanna do everything you do So I've been watching you" I started to tear up.  I got to thinking about our little boy.  Nathan is 5 and is non-verbal with autism. He can say some words when prompted but cannot hold a conversation. When I heard the lyrics I started thinking that Nathan can't say these words to his dad. He can't tell him with his voice how much he wants to be like his dad. But with autism we have learned that words aren't the only way to show love. Nathan constantly tells his dad "I wanna do everything you do, so I've been watching you." He shows it every time he puts on his dad's hat. He shows it every time he grabs the hair cli
1 comment
Read more

Autism Changed our Marriage

"Your son has autism."  These words were a sledgehammer to my chest.  These were the words that changed our lives. These were the words that changed our marriage. Neither one of us wanted to accept it. We didn't want our son to have a lifelong struggle. We wanted his life to be as easy as we were able to help make it.  Dom didn't want to accept it at first. He didn't want to believe that anything could be wrong. He wanted to keep believing that Nathan would be fine. I on the other hand dove into the dreaded INTERNET. This was the worst thing that I could do to myself. I would read the worst of the worst about autism and cause myself such anxiety and stress. I would cry all day long. Dom didn't want to hear any of it. He would get so angry that I would "intentionally" make myself cry.  I began keeping what I would find to myself. I felt like I couldn't talk to him about it.  With Autism comes anxiety. Nathan's anxiety would increase.  He would
1 comment
Read more