Autism does not discriminate

I think about my life and how I imagined it to be. I was going to be married and have children. And we would have a perfect household without chaos. My kids would be in sports and I would be that mom who was at every single practice and game.

That was going to be my life.

Well I got the marriage and the family.

But our home is full of chaos. There is very rarely a quiet moment and it's usually when everyone is asleep.

Neither of my children play sports. (To be fair my daughter is only one.)

And our family is far from perfect.

But how could that be? I did everything right.

I had a career. I got married. We planned for our first child when we felt ready. I did everything by the book with my pregnancy. I have never done drugs and I rarely drink.

Why did my child end up with autism?

The answer to that question: Autism does not discriminate.

Autism doesn't care if you are married or a single parent.

Autism doesn't care if you live in a huge house or if you are homeless.

Autism doesn't discriminate based on your race or gender.

Autism doesn't care where you are from.

Autism doesn't care if you are rich or poor.

It affects so many people without rhyme or reason.

I have to say that is one of the hardest parts. I know I did everything I could to try to have the healthiest child possible and here we are.

God had different plans for us and I truly believe that. Do I understand why those plans were made for us? Absolutely not. But Nathan is who he is. He's a bright and happy little boy who struggles with extra things.

As much as I tried to have the healthiest baby possible, I will try even harder to make his life as perfect as I can.

I will continue to step into his world and see it through his eyes.

Comments

Nothing Comes Easy

Nathan got a "big boy" bike for Christmas. He's five so it seemed fitting. But in our world age doesn't mean anything. He's five and just got potty trained a few months ago. He's five and still can't talk. He's five and is still learning how to dress himself. So being five really doesn't matter. He was outside today on his bike. He loves it. He gets on it like a big boy and tries so hard, but he can't ride it. He doesn't understand the concept of pedaling. So his dad pushes him along pushing his feet as they go. I stood in the window watching with tears in my eyes. On one hand they are tears of utter joy that my son is out there trying to ride his bike. But...on the other hand my tears are of such sadness that everything he does is so extra hard for him. It tears me apart. I know he will get it. I know he won't give up...we won't give up. We will celebrate the milestone extra hard when he's riding a long all on his own. A...

Flirt like his daddy? - I never expected it

This week I asked Nathan's kindergarten teacher how he interacts with the other kids in his class. What she said surprised me... She said how Nathan is with the other kids, he probably learned from his daddy...Nathan is a little flirt with the girls. I was shocked. She said that he is always trying to get this one little girls attention. And his teacher told her to say hi to Nathan...she did and I guess he just got the biggest smile. Fast forward to Sunday night shower. We got him all cleaned and I said to him, "you are such a big boy, you smell so good and you are gonna go to school and smell so good for [little girl's name]." I will tell you he got a smile on his face. So we started doing the little teasing about her and I said is she your friend? He smiled from ear to ear. I got to thinking that I forget sometimes that even though he has autism and maybe his brain doesn't work quite like a typical person, his heart does and his feelings do. It's always s...

Does he dream of talking?

I have so many nights where I dream about Nathan talking to me. Some nights he is holding a whole conversation, some nights it is him learning a new phrase and saying it perfectly. I always wake up feeling like it was real. But I'm brought down to reality when Nathan wakes me up and is still pointing and making noises to try to get what he needs. Last night I was laying with him as he was falling asleep. As he started to get still and I could hear his breathing I started thinking, does he dream that he can talk to me? Does he dream that he can communicate his needs and wants without us trying to decipher what he's trying to tell us? Does he dream that he tells me how his day was after school? I ask him every single day even though I don't get a reply. Does he dream that he is talking to his dad about cars and trucks? Does he tell him his favorite one? Does he dream about talking to other kids and running around and playing with them?...

Through Nathan's Eyes

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