Through Nathan's Eyes

To my son's teacher From the time I found out that Nathan had autism I started thinking about school and I always got anxiety. Once he entered his second year of pre school my anxiety started going through the roof. I was so worried about him going to Kindergarten.  I would cry most nights thinking about it. He was safe in pre school. He had routine. He loved his teacher.  I would wonder who his new teacher was going to be. I would pray every single night that God would protect him always and give him the best people in his life to help him continue to grow. To protect him like I would. To keep him safe. The answer to my prayers came when I got the call from you. The moment I spoke to you, I knew God had answered my prayers. Stacey, Nathan has been blessed more than you could ever know.  You listened to every single concern without judgement. You listened to every single need of Nathan's. You always go above and beyond to make sure we know Nathan is good. The way you call...

Today while driving in the car we heard these lyrics: "He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are We like fixing things and holding mama's hand Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad I wanna do everything you do So I've been watching you" I started to tear up.  I got to thinking about our little boy.  Nathan is 5 and is non-verbal with autism. He can say some words when prompted but cannot hold a conversation. When I heard the lyrics I started thinking that Nathan can't say these words to his dad. He can't tell him with his voice how much he wants to be like his dad. But with autism we have learned that words aren't the only way to show love. Nathan constantly tells his dad "I wanna do everything you do, so I've been watching you." He shows it every time he puts on his dad's hat. He shows it every time he grabs the hair cli...

When you step into our home, you are stepping into our own little world we have created. We have allowed Nathan to be himself and we have adapted to his world. Walking in at any given time you might see different houses lined up just so, including a Peppa Pig house with all of its furniture in place.  And trust me he knows if something is moved. There could be old model cars lined up in only an order that Nathan understands and he stands back and admires his work for hours. Mcdonald's happy meal boxes might be lined up on the table with cars in them because they have been turned into garages. A bowl of milk sitting on the table with a spoon in it, it's the only way he likes to drink milk. A Christmas tree in the middle of the Summer...well you know who doesn't want Christmas in Summer?! Little boys clothes strewn throughout the house because at any given moment he is stripping down to his skivvies or changing into something he picked out all on his own. He has created quite...

Nathan got a "big boy" bike for Christmas.  He's five so it seemed fitting. But  in our world age doesn't mean anything.   He's five and just got potty trained a few months ago.  He's five and still can't talk. He's five and is still learning how to dress himself. So being five really doesn't matter. He was outside today on his bike. He loves it. He gets on it like a big boy and tries so hard, but he can't ride it. He doesn't understand the concept of pedaling. So his dad pushes him along pushing his feet as they go. I stood in the window watching with tears in my eyes.  On one hand they are tears of utter joy that my son is out there trying to ride his bike. But...on the other hand my tears are of such sadness that everything he does is so extra hard for him.  It tears me apart. I know he will get it. I know he won't give up...we won't give up. We will celebrate the milestone extra hard when he's riding a long all on his own. A...

"Your son has autism."  These words were a sledgehammer to my chest.  These were the words that changed our lives. These were the words that changed our marriage. Neither one of us wanted to accept it. We didn't want our son to have a lifelong struggle. We wanted his life to be as easy as we were able to help make it.  Dom didn't want to accept it at first. He didn't want to believe that anything could be wrong. He wanted to keep believing that Nathan would be fine. I on the other hand dove into the dreaded INTERNET. This was the worst thing that I could do to myself. I would read the worst of the worst about autism and cause myself such anxiety and stress. I would cry all day long. Dom didn't want to hear any of it. He would get so angry that I would "intentionally" make myself cry.  I began keeping what I would find to myself. I felt like I couldn't talk to him about it.  With Autism comes anxiety. Nathan's anxiety would increase.  He would...